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4 Things to Consider About Stopping Our Need to Please Others

Hands up if you’re a people-pleaser.

Hands up if you are a people-pleaser, but something has always felt kinda off about the concept.

Do you know why you feel that something is kinda off?

I’ll tell you what I reckon: it could be because a part of you knows that pleasing others at the expense of yourself is not the way to go about doing things or living your best life.

Think about it.

Every time we listen to the safety spiel before an airplane takes off, we’re reminded to put our oxygen mask on first and then help others with theirs.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got that,” we say. “I’ll do that if I’m ever on a plane and experience a sudden drop in cabin pressure and masks drop down from above…”

But what if this were true for everyday life – even if we’re breathing just fine?

Putting ourselves first doesn’t mean we’re doing it at the expense of others. It really doesn’t. It means that we honour and respect and value ourselves enough to feel good. To FEEL GOOD.

When we feel good we are inspired to do things that please others; not from a place of obligation or conditioning. I mean, how many times have we been told that we had to stop doing something we were enjoying because ‘that behaviour’ didn’t please someone else?

We learned that this is how we do things from a very young age. We were to put everyone else’s feelings first, and then act from that place.

Wait. What? So other people can’t please themselves and feel good, so WE need to be the ones to do it? Hmmm.

What if this is a backwards way of going about things? What if we followed what lights us up and were feeling so fulfilled that we just wanted to uplift others from that place of standing in our power?

How would that play out for us, as opposed to having to do something we really don’t feel good about because we don’t want to upset or inconvenience someone else?

Try this: the next time you are feeling obliged to people-please, STOP.

Take a few deep breaths and ask your intuition if taking this action is for the highest good of you and the other person (you can ask yourself, if you are unsure about connecting with your intuition – an answer WILL come).

Take note of what that intuitive message is.

If you are feeling conflicted, and you have time, sit down with your journal and write about what could be beneath the feelings of conflict.

Here are 4 things to consider about stopping the need to please others:

  1. Are you afraid of being rejected? What would the worst thing that could happen be if you were rejected? How would that feel, and what could you do to move past that?
  2. Do you actually just want to keep the peace? What would happen if you didn’t keep the peace? Is this a pattern from the past that you can let go of?
  3. What may be causing you to continue with the people-pleasing action  instead of listening to your intuitive guidance? Do you not trust your guidance?
  4. If it were NOT for the highest good of both parties for you to go ahead with this, what could the reason for that be? What outcome would be for the highest good of both parties?

Let me know in the comments how people pleasing has affected your life, or indeed if you have a success story about overcoming it that might inspire others.

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