Are People Who Make Your Blood Boil Worth Your Energy?
Do you know what the biggest awareness is that I ever had and that became the most effective tool to completely turn my life around and release deep feelings of lack of worth, being unloved, and insecurities about who I am?
Everyone is your mirror.
The premise behind what I call, The Mirror Concept, is that the things that irritate, annoy or frustrate us about someone else are the exact things we(at subconscious level) dislike about ourselves.
Incidentally, the same goes for the inspirational, positive, admirable things we see in others, but because those people aren’t triggering a negative response in us, but that comes later in this article.
If you’re a person who always has to prove to others that you are ‘right’, it’s very likely that you find yourself in the company of people who strongly disagree with you because they also have the desire to convince others to see things from their perspective.
If you get irritated by people who are ‘controlling’, you will find, most likely, bossy tendencies within yourself.
NOTE: There are also subtle nuances when it comes to the Mirror Concept, so the reflection can show opposing traits, for example: a person who is being bullied may be experiencing this because the bully is showing them their low self-worth.
YOUR BIGGEST BUTTON PUSHERS ARE YOUR GREATEST LIBERATORS
I have had my fair share of people who made my blood boil; people who pressed my buttons so hard that I could almost say, ‘If they never darkened my doorstep again it would be too soon!’
Today, my mantra is, ‘Your biggest button pushers are your most powerful liberators’ because those blood boilers have made me the person I am today.
And when I say that, it’s not from the victim standpoint that the mainstream loves to perpetuate: that because you were ‘disrespected’ or ‘persecuted’ or ‘abused’ by someone, you are now never going to allow that to happen again.
The standpoint we want to be coming from is, ‘I have looked deep into the places inside me where I was not in my full potential and I have taken ownership of the power I’ve always had as God experiencing itself through the human form.’
Blood boilers do not have power over us. They are powerful reflectors of what we need to transform in order to create a life worth living, drama-free and bring the fullest expression of Who We Are into our physical existence.
We came here to play in the field of potential, based on our intentions for this lifetime.
Those intentions were not to live a mediocre life, or to play victim.
As it turns out, as humans we come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. The things that push our buttons or trigger negative emotion generally indicate an opportunity to change a belief about ourselves or a pattern of behaviour in ourselves.
Often, people will reflect back to us what WE THINK OF OURSELVES. So, it’s important to look to the FEELING that is invoked in us…not just the behaviour.
You might have noticed that when you are wobbling about whether you need another qualification before you can launch your work into the world (because you are terrified of being called a fraud, or an imposter or of being rejected by ‘the tribe’), when you tell your partner about your plans to launch your work they say to you, ‘But you’re not qualified to speak on xyz. You don’t have the expertise of [insert the name of someone with a PhD in abc].’
You feel massive discomfort surface.
Most of us respond by feeling anger towards our partner for being so unsupportive and not believing in us.
THAT is where you need to start looking for what’s being reflected.
Your partner isn’t being unsupportive — that’s just surface stuff.
Your partner is 100% speaking what is in your energetic field, what’s on your mind; your deepest fears.
Isn’t that powerful?
You might have come across yourself telling stories of how disrespectful your children are to you, especially teenagers (who are fully in tune with what will blow you out of the water when it comes to your limited beliefs in yourself!).
What you want to pay attention to is the FEELING that their words evoke in you because that is where you want to start digging for those limiting self-beliefs.
Being spoken to with disdain, if it triggers you, means that YOU have some thought inside that matches what’s being said.
If you don’t value yourself, others won’t value you.
If you believe you are a victim to others and their words, they will bombard you with such.
If you tell yourself that you are unloved, the same will be reflected to you in your interactions with people who appear not to love you.
When we can take the trigger and explore the medicine within it, we can find the core fears to transmute into your personal power.
Everyone with whom we interact are showing us who we are and ultimately providing us with a gold mine of opportunities to value and love ourselves.
By observing the emotions that arise when we cross paths with these people and replace them with the Actual Truth of Who We Are, then we start to embrace the button pushers of our world instead of avoid them, fight them or distance ourselves from them.
It’s never about the other person. It’s always about us.
I say that because that’s mostly the case — if we are triggered.
You’ll know it’s not about you when you are not affected by someone else’s mood, words, behaviour (and this takes some mastery to attain, because sometimes a person has an issue that’s not pointing to one of our own issues, but they are triggering our deeper worthiness issues).
If you do have an emotional reaction, however, it’s about you. No exceptions (and no amount of justifying it will make it otherwise).
This isn’t something to be made into a problem. It is the most powerful way for you to stop striving and start thriving.
If you deeply know the Actual Truth — one of them being, no one and no thing has power over you– you will eradicate the limited thinking and stories and live from your knowing that you are indeed untouchable and all powerful.
And, interestingly, the button pushers will disappear from your life.
In my online course, Becoming Magnificent, you’ll find hosts of tools and techniques to play around with when navigating your way back to your true self (your magnificent self) that you came here to be.
REFLECTING ON WHAT‘S REFLECTED BACK TO YOU
Sometimes when a button is pushed it can be hard to see what the meaning behind it was and the emotion may be very strong (with a lot of energetic charge).
This is when you know you’re onto something important, and more often than not it’s THE thing that’s standing directly in your way of moving towards your goals and aspirations.
Take a step back from the situation and take stock of everything that’s running through your head.
The situation itself becomes moot because it’s done it’s work in highlighting where you’re in opposition to the Actual Truth.
What are you saying about the person and their behaviour?
What are the thoughts about you them that have been triggered? (that in itself is a chance to look at what qualities you have in you that you don’t like, too)
You know that something is not true because it feels off.
You may find yourself justifying your stance, in which case, dig into that. What limitations are you arguing for?
No matter how true the stories feel, you can KNOW that they’re not because you feel like shit, basically.
Now feel for the Actual Truth. Who you are is not any of the things you are telling yourself (and that your button pusher is bringing out in you).
It’s important to maintain an attitude of light curiosity when exploring a situation or a person’s behaviour.
Keeping it light will allow you to stay connected to what your KNOWING has to say about it, rather than trying to work it out via the filters of your mind (which, when triggered, are not a reliable go-to for answers!).
“Everyone is a mirror image of yourself — your own thinking coming back at you” – Byron Katie
Another important, if not the most important, aspect of decoding mirroring is to DECIDE that the things that are being said are not true. This is important, because if you continue to believe the voice of your ego mind you will never be free of drama because the ego mind is biased towards keeping you safe.
Safe from what? From what you are creating?
The Actual Truth is that you and no-one else has the power over your life and how you respond to it. You are the one who can change it with one simple decision: to not believe the BS we BS ourselves with.
From there, liberation begins.
‘The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you’ — Rumi
When we see qualities in someone we are attracted to or admire or respect or revere, a good practice is to spend time focusing on those qualities and connecting with the energy (or feeling) of those qualities.
These are qualities we have in ourselves, and by reinforcing these positive feelings toward ourselves, we raise our vibration and change the way things show up in our life — because everything that shows up in our life is of course a reflection of our inner world. The Mirror Concept spans everything, not just people.
LISTS OF POSITIVE ASPECTS
Get into the habit of writing out lists of things you like in people. This is taken from Abraham-Hicks’ ‘Ask & It is Given” book.
Listing out positive aspects of the people who annoy or irritate you has a very interesting effect. You may find that they start showing that side of themselves to you!
Do not use this to by-pass the real work, though. Your negative thoughts are not you and they will surface for the rest of your life if you don’t replace them with the Actual Truth, which turns them from false identity into the truth of Who You Are as a limitless being with unlimited potential to be, do and have whatever you want.
2-STEP REFLECTION EXERCISE
Step 1: Think about someone you find attractive or whom you really admire. On a piece of paper, list 10 or more qualities that you love in that person.
Write quickly. Just put down what pops into your mind, without overthinking anything.
You can put down as many qualities as you wish, but don’t stop until you have at least 10.
Step 2: Look at your list and circle or highlight the three qualities that you find most appealing about him or her. Now read the 3 words you circled out loud.
These are qualities that you possess. Spend time celebrating them!
SELF-LOVE ON THE DAILY TOOL
The Self-love on the Daily Tool is a unique way to use the attributes we admire in others to increase our self value and cultivate self-love.
The premise of the Self-love on the Daily Tool is that the more we connect to what we admire in others, the more we are focusing on our own mirrored positive aspects and they begin to become our dominant viewpoint of ourselves, as opposed to the incessant inner criticism we are plagued with.
The tool is outlined in Karen’s upcoming book, ‘Keeping It Drama Free — discover the Actual Truth to take back control and create a life worth living.’
Register for updates about the book and when it’s published HERE.
I've concluded that the people who make your blood boil are more worth your energy than anyone else, based on my experience, because they bring you to a place of clarity about where you are holding yourself back from your fullest expression, from making your mark on the world, and from creating your life worth living, drama-free.
They will take you to places of deep transformation like nothing else you’ve experienced if you are brave enough to acknowledge the things within you you’re terrified of facing and admitting to.
It’s a fulfilling ride once you’ve chosen to back yourself and restate your power.
This article is also published on Medium.