Ridding Ourselves Of The Arseholes In Our Life Without Having To Set Rigid Boundaries

Boundary setting is a topic that most of us are aware of. We’re taught that we need to put personal boundaries in place in order to avoid being taken advantage of, or being bullied or being mistreated.

What we’re NOT taught is that there is an energetically smarter and way more effortless way to set the tone for people’s behaviour towards us that doesn’t involve standing up for ourselves, confronting others or holding awkward conversations about how we’re being treated by someone.

I have never understood boundaries and boundary setting.

And when I don’t understand something, or a concept doesn’t make sense, I always ponder, “There must be another way.”

The other way in this case is: EVERYTHING IS AN INSIDE JOB

And so if we are creating our reality and we are therefore creating everything that happens outside of us – through the thoughts we think and the beliefs we hold – then WE are the ones calling undesirable people to us.

Everything and everyone is our mirror, so when we are at the receiving end of someone’s unsavory behavior, we are being shown an opportunity to clean something up, to see something in a different light, to view someone in a different way, we want to be navigating the concept of boundaries from an energetic perspective.


Imagine you want to set up a boundary to stop someone from doing something. Now FEEL into the vibration that’s beneath the need to put a boundary in place:

Is there fear? Is there vulnerability and powerlessness in the decision? Is there Ego (that’ll teach them! They won’t be coming into my space anymore after this!)

For example: someone’s being unkind to me and I want them to stop so I’m going to have to get something in place right away so they can’t infringe on me.

Feel the false premise beneath it; that someone has the power to do anything to you, to be rude to you, to hurt you.

As a leader in the new paradigm, you are being called to operate from a space of LOVE and not fear, so a fear-based approach is unlikely to work for you.

A love-based approach looks very much like being non-confrontational.


Hands up if you’re non-confrontational…  I have mine up.

If you’ve stood up for yourself in the past because you were told that being non-confrontational wouldn’t get you anywhere and you still came out feeling unheard, or hurt or bullied, or disrespected;

If you have ever felt even more weak because you avoid conflict and others seem to be solid in their personal boundaries;

If you just don’t want to be a person who has to fight to not be walked all over; then this might resonate with you:


This may be hard to swallow, because we live in a world where there is such a thing as ‘victims’ (when in actual fact, I believe this is another false premise – the book Conversations With God quotes, “Nothing is being done to you –and all things are created by you. There can be no more victims and no more villains– only outcomes of your thought about a thing”)

YOU are the powerful creator of your reality. YOU are the one who is creating everything that’s unfolding, therefore for someone to behave in a way that you don’t like you HAVE to have matching vibration within you; you HAVE to have something inside of you that’s calling it to you.

This is why boundary setting in the sense we were taught doesn’t always work.

If you are running a program or a belief system that you are inadequate, that you are worthless or not good enough, another person who matches that will treat you accordingly.

If your boundary setting isn’t getting you the results you desire, then check in with what your beliefs about yourself are and start to do the inner work to clean those up.

There is another way to change the way people behave towards you.


And I have done just that…by doing the inner work.

By changing a deep running story I had about being inferior to everybody.

When I realised that what was being reflected to me by others overstepping my boundaries I went in search of how I could change that story, and by changing the way I saw myself in every moment that it was reflected by someone, I was able to stop that behaviour from others.

In other words, you’re not actually trying to set up a boundary – you’re cleaning up everything on the inside so that what’s showing up on the outside changes and there is no need for a boundary. There is no need for protection.

Because nothing has power over you.

You are the one who holds the power.

When you’re in struggle, YOU are the one who has the power over whether you’re in struggle or not.

Isn’t that just so liberating to know?

Let me know in the comments what your experience has been with boundary setting. I’d love to hear your story.

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

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