Why You Probably Aren’t Sabotaging Yourself

If there’s one word that I feel uncomfortable with, it’s self-sabotage. When I hear that word it hits me right in the gut. I feel like it’s a really big judgement to place on myself.

I understand the concept of self-sabotage to be, the things we do (thoughts, behaviours, inaction) that stop us getting what we want – be that success, money, health, love. I’ve also heard the term, ‘inner saboteur’ thrown around when it comes to getting in our own way.

Here’s the Oxford dictionary’s definition of ‘saboteur’:

A person who engages in sabotage.

And this is how ‘sabotage is defined:

Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)



I don’t like calling a part of me, ‘saboteur’. I spent most of my life being hard on myself and judging myself for being wrong, standing in my own way, and being not good enough, so to have to tell myself that I am deliberately destroying, damaging or obstructing my path makes me feel sad.

I almost feel grief for that part of me that’s doing the ‘sabotaging’. In fact, as I write this I feel myself tearing up.


Because this behaviour is rooted in deep fear. And this fear is not malicious. It’s not deliberately trying to keep you small.

It wants to keep you SAFE.

As I’ve been exploring getting out of my way over the past couple of years I have connected with this fear, and it is deeply sensitive, wounded, afraid, but GENTLE.

It couldn’t live up to the definition of ‘saboteur’ if you told it to.

It’s actually on your side, and it wants to be heard.

We can nurture this fear and let it know that all is well and that it is okay to want to protect us while we’re pushing ourselves to move toward our goals.

Maybe the answer is to STOP PUSHING and to FEEL our way to what we’ve asked for, and help the fear from a place of compassion and love.

Fear is not something separate from you. It IS you. It is a part of you that you can’t deny.

But you absolutely can work together with it to bring yourself into alignment with everything you desire so that you can allow those things to flow to you more effortlessly.

So, you’re probably not sabotaging yourself as much as preserving yourself from perceived dangers. Would you agree?

Forget ‘facing your fears’, ‘shutting down your inner saboteur’, ‘preventing yourself from being your own worst enemy’, ‘silence your inner critic’.

I often say to my girls, ‘Everyone has a reason why they do what they do. If we listen to the reason without judgement and see the situation for what it is, we can experience harmony with those around us.’

The same goes for your ‘inner saboteur’: your fear has a reason doesn’t want you to take a certain action. If we listen without judgement and tune into our inner wisdom, we can see the situation for what it is and move past the fear into harmony with ourselves.

Talk to your fear. Listen to the voice of that part of you that is afraid.  Acknowledge that there is a perception in you of things that might go wrong, and then move into your heart space to hear the wisdom of the situation.

The more you trust that your inner guidance is always right, the more you can call the fear to join you in your wholeness.

Getting out of your own way isn’t a linear path, and there are many layers, dynamics and aspects to it. It’s a slow, steady journey of coming to know who you truly are, so that you and your inner guidance can work and live in communion with less self-doubt, anxiety, second-guessing or fear.

Once that happens, your journey becomes easier and easier, and fear becomes less of an ‘ogre’ and more of a gentle (even if anxious!) friend that will willingly come on your journey with you.

If you are ready to deepen into your magnificence and harness that to create the life and business you deserve, then I invite you to spend 30 minutes with me exploring what you want from your life and how I can help you get there.

I would love to explore with you where you feel you’re ‘sabotaging’ yourself and give you a view on it from the perspective of your fear, too.

Book a 30 minute chat with me by clicking here

To find out more about me and ways to work with me, click HERE.

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